Today I went to a faculty research presentation on campus in the department of my field. Now is a good time for me to get used to the academic culture again and to begin being visible there. After being into government and business environments for 2.5 years, it’s going to be a culture shock going back into the academic one. I’m very familiar with academia and know how to do it well, but it’s nonetheless a new university, new dynamics, and of course a new country.
Just a side note that I almost said “academic space,” but I can’t stand that business and government jargon that I’ve heard so much for the past few years! Other jargon phrases I hope to never hear again: BAU (Business as Usual) and “she or he adds value.”
When you can’t work the room
It’s very hard to essentially start over in a new place after being mid-career. I’m used to being in a place where my volume of past work speaks for itself. I come into a place, they know me, and we know what each of us does well. We just get on with it and I dive into my work. I’m used to making my own decisions and running the show myself because I know what to do.
In coming to the talk today, I didn’t realise that it was an end-of-term finale for these research presentations! There was food and a bit of chatter. I felt like I accidentally walked into someone’s party. No one spoke to me.
My natural instinct is to sit quietly and observe, and then start working the room. Introduce myself, make tentative plans to email to set up a coffee chat. It didn’t feel right, so I just observed quietly and left after the talk. I kept reminding myself that they don’t know me, and to be fair I don’t know them either!
Moving ahead with gusto
I’ve been extremely excited to move ahead with projects now that I have the time to do so. I feel a sense of urgency now to move ahead with writing and other creative projects. It’s been wonderful to have the time and space just to sit and think, to plan, to dream, and to work on making it happen. I’m not one to mess about. I just get stuck into whatever needs done and just do it.
When I am focused on a goal, I am very passionate and driven, and even though I may get anxious, I’m not afraid of anything. I’m trying to find the balance between pushing ahead and also waiting for the path to unfold.
I have to find the balance of letting things happen organically. At the talk today, I had to remind myself constantly that these people don’t know me. The timing of my new chapter is obviously not right yet, although I can do the behind-the-scenes work in the coming four months to prepare for when it is right.
Working behind the scenes
I almost imagine these coming four months, until the fall semester starts in February/March, like a theatre director preparing for the opening night. I have to get the characters written, do the prep work to build the set, secure the venue and arrange practice times, get the publicity ready and mentally prepare myself for opening night. I’ve got to the hard work now so that it looks effortless and natural when the big night arrives.
In the coming three months, I’m going to be super busy with getting various projects on the ground. Every single day is a step toward my goals.
I tried to keep things going while I was doing the non-academic jobs, but the truth is that you can’t do both well. I learned a hard lesson that I need to make a choice. To do the deep theoretical thinking that I need to do, it takes time, energy, space, and being alone.
Other people may be different, but for my learning style I have to fully immerse myself in whatever project I am doing. I can switch between different projects, but essential they need to all be cerebral and creative. I need to be in the mindset of thinking theoretically for very long stretches of time, ideally with total control over my space.
Today was a little reminder that I can’t make everything happen at once. There’s a time and a place to complete each part of the puzzle. I look forward to the day when the curtains finally open and I walk onto stage, and everything is finally in place for where I need to be. I’ll never take that feeling for granted again.
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